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Flynn snorted.  Shut up. I love my crappy toy Mazda.
 Yes. Me too. Go on. What happened?
 Okay. It was so weird, like living in two time zones at once. Tom, he sabotaged that Lynx.
He was quiet all the way out, and before we got into position he just got up, ripped his head-
set off, walked to the back of the cockpit and& cut the fuel lines. I ve dreamed it over and
over seeing him pull the cover off the bulkhead, seeing his wire cutters flash. I didn t know it
was a memory. We dropped like a stone. I shouted through to the crew in the back, but it was
too late for everyone but him, because he jumped half a second before we started to dive.
He was ready.
 God almighty. And yet& he came back for you. That part s true.
 Yes. He came back. Flynn drew a shuddery breath and pressed a little closer to Tom.  I
don t know why he risked it. I m not sure& I m not sure my life would have been worth a day s
purchase, if I hadn t woken up without a single memory in my head from the whole fucking
thing, except for the ones he sat by my bed and implanted, day after day. He told me I d lost
control of her. He was kind, when everyone else around me could barely bloody look at me,
no matter how hard they tried. Even the doctors. He was there every time I opened my eyes.
He said he would look after me.
Tom kissed his brow.  All right. Gently he wiped away the fresh tears with the pad of one
thumb.  I m guessing that s when he came into his family fortune.
 Mm-hm. Flynn nodded, making a dreadful attempt at a smile.  That s when four-by-fours
and private doctors started to rain down from heaven. I suppose they made it worth his while.
He d never mentioned his family to me before then, but suddenly there they were. Knights-
bridge Tremaines, and old money.
 Flynn, do you know who he really is? I mean, where he comes from?
 Yeah, of course. Just like you did, thirty seconds after you met him. Three people told me
he was Bobby Tremaine from the Sankerris council estate during the first week I was here.
God, Tom did he think I was going to judge him? My dad s an electrician from Derby. I know
what it s like, being officer class in the Navy, if you re not descended from the bloody admir-
alty.
 Why did you let him carry on lying to you?
 I don t know. He was really cagey about it. I suppose he was worried I d ask him about
the money, but I wasn t likely to do that, was I? I d been quietly taking it for far too long. I was
ashamed. I even passed his lies on to you, though I was pretty sure you d recognised him
too.
 Flynn, love, surely you ve worked out by now you ve got nothing to be ashamed of?
 I don t know. When I think about that night off Portsmouth knowing I didn t kill all those
men, all our friends, by some stupid pilot error I feel like my heart s going to explode with re-
lief, even though none of them are any less dead because it wasn t my fault. And yet when I
look back over two whole years, dormant, hypnotised, eating out of Rob s bloody hand, letting
him own me, screw me& Learning to like getting beaten down and fucked, because that
was what I deserved.
 Flynn&  Tom shook his head, briefly unable to bear it. He lifted a hand to cover Flynn s
mouth felt its palm kissed, his wrist seized, as if Flynn too wanted to be silenced. Stopped.
They watched one another mutely for a long while. Then Tom said, turning his hold to a
caress, fingertips over Flynn s salt-blistered lips,  He tried it again, didn t he? Tonight?
 How& How could he leave me to think it was my fault? Flynn whispered. His face was
white with anguish, as if he had only just realised for himself the enormity of it.  He must have
known I was living in hell.
Because he was an evil fuck, Tom thought succinctly, but kept it quiet. Perhaps the loss of
him, with all his faults, was too fresh to Flynn for him to be able to withstand much condemna-
tion from anyone else.  I don t know, he said.  But ultimately, everything he did was to keep
you close to him. He risked his whole game to spare your life.
Flynn snorted. The sound of it warmed Tom s heart with its vigour, its ordinary deri-
sion told him that Flynn would get over Rob Tremaine, and maybe the process wouldn t take
long.  Not tonight, he bloody didn t. He shot out my collective. He just went and stood by the
hatch and took aim. It was seeing him get up and walk away that finally broke down the
memory block. I thought he was gonna put a bullet in me, and& I just didn t care. Then he
jumped.
 Charlie Mitchell says you made a textbook job of putting her down.
 Mitch said that? Uncomplicated pleasure lit Flynn s face, an airman s pride in his work.  I
could, Tom. I could do that, take her down nice, and do my evac like I was in the training pool
at Hawke, because I knew, I was fairly sure, that they d all got out in time. They lived, so I
could live too. And I wanted to. For the first time in years. All I could think about was how
much I wanted to see you again. He shivered, shook his head.  I can t believe you came out
to find me.
Tom swallowed hard.  I ll always find you, love.
The storm was almost spent. Tom, on his knees, held Flynn s face with desperate tender-
ness between both his hands kissed him and kissed him, as the motion of the swell beneath
the raft lost its rage, became a rocking. Tears forced themselves from beneath his closed
eyelids, stinging the windburn and healing cuts on his face. Flynn s arms were passionately
laced around his neck, his face tipped up as if to the sun. When at last Tom couldn t breathe
and stars were bursting over his dark field of vision, he broke away.  Stop, he rasped, chuck-
ling.  I have to go check on poor Victor.
Flynn nodded. He was smiling dazedly. When Tom let him go, he subsided against the life
raft s hull.  Okay, he said, putting up a hand to shield an enormous yawn.  If you need me to
take a spell at the rudder& 
 Oh, yeah, Tom said, leaning over him to check the pulse at his throat. It was strong, but
too fast, his system revving in its struggle to evict the deadly cold. Tom wrapped Victor s wa-
terproof tightly around him.  We ll be sure to do that. You just stay curled up there. Keep
breathing. Try and get some sleep.
When Tom stumbled out into the light, he found Victor quietly plying the raft through a new
world. The storm, with Cornish thoroughness, had given way to a dawn whose shades of rose [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]