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front of them. "Derek, I'm so sorry about the other day. I
don't know what came over me. I was just so worried about
you all through winter break and then, as soon as you saw
Scott, your mood shifted so suddenly. It really scared me. I'm
not sorry that I'm worried about you, but to attack the two of
you the way I did at lunch was inexcusable. And the things I
said to you..." Her eyes welled up with tears and a few spilled
down her cheeks.
Derek was taken aback. Beck had never issued an apology
without having been chided into it before. Even then, her
apologies were usually begrudging, followed by but and some
excuse why her actions had been justified, essentially
negating the effect of her apology. "I have to admit, I was
shocked and it did kind of piss me off. Why did you do that?
Why couldn't you have just talked to me?"
Beck stopped fidgeting with her hands and turned to face
Derek, drawing courage from the fact that he was responding
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with understanding. "I don't know. I wanted to, but
something in me just snapped. I had been holding in all of
these unexpressed concerns about you. I was trying to help
you to feel better over break and none of my efforts were
working. Then, as soon as you saw Scott, it was like he
turned on a light switch and your mood instantly became
cheerful again."
Derek wasn't sure what Beck was getting at. "Are you
jealous of Scott? Did you feel like you should have been able
to make me feel better and were upset that Scott did?"
"No, absolutely not. I swear that's not it, although I
certainly understand why you might think so. Especially since
I know which buttons to press to get you to react pretty much
any way I want." Derek couldn't help the chuckle that
escaped from him. It was true. If anyone knew how to elicit a
specific reaction from him, it was Beck.
When he looked back at Beck, she was smiling. It was
timid, only half a smile, but she was lightening up. "It's like I
have been saying all along, Derek. I'm concerned that you
aren't being careful and that you'll get hurt. Maybe I should
just mind my own business and let nature take its course. But
watching you go from depressed to elated just by seeing
Scott, I felt worried and helpless. You can't let any one
person have that much influence over you. You have to be
able to make yourself happy. Friends, boyfriends, family...we
can all help you by being there for you as you work through
your feelings. But you should be the one who masters your
own emotions. No one should have that kind of power over
anyone else."
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Derek considered what she had said. He was usually a
reflective person, so it was surprising to realize that he had
done so little of it over the past couple of weeks. "You've
been thinking about this a lot haven't you?"
Beck took Derek's hands. "It's all I have been thinking
about. But I have been especially regretful since Monday. It's
been killing me, knowing that I behaved so badly and not
making things right between us, even if it has only been three
days. I just needed to make sure I really knew what it was
that bothered me so much before I came to you."
Any feeling of frustration and anger he had been harboring
towards her for the past few days melted away. He leaned
over and hugged her. "Beck, thank you so much for coming
over. I hated the small distance that has been between us,
even if it was only for a short time. I don't know if I could
stand it not having you there as my confidant and partner."
Beck returned his hug, and then held him at arm's length.
"You could stand it. That's what I am trying to tell you. You
don't need anyone in order to be happy. Don't
misunderstand, you will never have to go without me being
right there by your side, but you don't need anyone.
Remember that. You can figure your own shit out. Don't let
anyone become so central that you lose yourself. Don't forget
that the guard you have kept up your whole life can serve a
good purpose. It helps you to know that you are the most
reliable person that you can count on."
"Wise beyond your years, Beck." Although Derek meant it,
he said it with a bit of sarcasm.
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"Well, I can't take all the credit. I did call the Psychic
Friends Network last night and asked them how this
conversation would go."
Derek cocked his head in surprise. "Really?"
Beck smiled, "Oh my God. You are so gullible. No, you
moron. Do you really think that I would waste my time or
money talking to some washed up, Dion Warwick wanna-be,
Psychic Friends Network freak? Give me just the slightest bit
of credit."
Derek laughed, happy that some semblance of their old [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]