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about me back then, not the littlest bit, even though I told you⬠¦ I all but told you, how I⬠ I⬠¦ You wanted to live free and easy. That⬠"!s what you said.
You didn⬠"!t want to clutter your life with responsibilities.⬠"!
He closed his eyes. ⬠ÜI had to say that. It couldn⬠"!t go anywhere with us, could it?⬠"! Something had a stranglehold on his larynx and was
putting his voice through a strainer. ⬠ÜLook, it was ten years ago. We both knew you were too young. Your father said⬠¦ Even I could see he was right.
You needed to go to uni. How great a life would it have been with no money coming in?⬠"!
Her eyes glistened with tears. ⬠ÜAs if it was ever about money. It never even occurred to you that day, did it, that I might be⬠¦? What I⬠"!d
come to tell you. No, of course it didn⬠"!t,⬠"! she muttered. ⬠ÜYou couldn⬠"!t have known. And even if you had you⬠"!d have run twice as
fast.⬠"! She made a hopeless little gesture. ⬠ÜOh, I⬠"!m such a fool. I don⬠"!t know why I agreed to come. I let myself get sucked in all over again in
Zurich, and here we are. So over, how could I even have⬠¦?⬠"! Her voice choked and she turned sharply away from him.
A gentle breeze messed a few strands of her hair and when she lifted her hand to smooth it he could see that her fingers were trembling. He cast
about for something to say but his speech was paralysed. Suddenly an almighty black catastrophe was bearing down on him and he felt helpless to avert
it.
⬠ÜThis was such a mistake,⬠"! she said, her voice nearly as hoarse as his. She turned for the stairs that led down to the garden. ⬠ÜI⬠"!m
going home.⬠"!
He watched her step down onto the garden walk, the impassioned phrases they⬠"!d hurled at each other rolling around in his head in
meaningless clusters, his whole being churned up in a way he scarcely recognised.
She was walking quickly away with her head high, but even from behind he could tell she was crying. He stood there like a clumsy thunderstruck
oaf while she rounded a bend in the path, then disappeared from his view, hidden by the shrubbery and the walls of a small folly that had been built to
resemble some Roman temple.
All at once the cold reality that she was seriously walking away from him for all eternity slammed into him and a bolt of pure panic galvanised him
to action.
He bounded down the steps after her and sprinted to catch her up. ⬠ÜWait, Mirandi⬠¦ Wait.⬠"! She didn⬠"!t pause, instead her step
quickened and he had a suffocating sense of déjà vu, as if he were back in the dream. At least this was real life and his legs could work, and he swiftly
covered the ground between them and came up alongside her.
⬠ÜWhat couldn⬠"!t I have known? What? What did you mean?⬠"! Panting, urgent, he grabbed her arms and forced her to stand still. ⬠ÜWhat
would I have run from?⬠"!
She trembled in his hands, her arms cool in the night air. In the dim light she was whiter than he⬠"!d ever seen, her lovely face strained and
streaked with tears. ⬠ÜAre you sure you want to know? It⬠"!s something sad, Joe.⬠"!
He said roughly, his voice as hoarse as a foghorn, ⬠ÜDon⬠"!t you think I might have already known sad things once or twice?⬠"!
She lowered her wet lashes. ⬠ÜOh, I know. You have, of course.⬠"! She moistened her lips. ⬠ÜAll right, then.⬠"! She glanced around, making
sure no one was nearby to overhear. Then she said in a low voice, ⬠ÜWhat I meant to tell you that day, and would have if you⬠"!d been more welcoming,
was that I was⬠ expecting.⬠"!
He felt the blood drain from his heart. ⬠ÜWhat?⬠"!
She nodded. ⬠ÜI⬠"!d only just found out.⬠"! She broke away from him and made a helpless gesture. ⬠ÜI was in such a spin I didn⬠"!t know
what to do. I thought if I told you, but⬠ well, you know how things went.⬠"!
He reeled away from her, flooded by the most appalling guilt and remorse. ⬠ÜOh. Oh, my God.⬠"! He clutched his forehead, ran his hand
through his hair while his wits tried to assemble the facts.
A pregnant girl came to see him, to inform she was with child, his child, and he was intent on rejecting her. For her own good.
⬠ÜOh, no,⬠"! he ground out. ⬠ÜMy poor girl. Mirandi, I⬠ I don⬠"!t know what to say. I⬠"!m so very sorry. If only I⬠"!d known. I⬠ I wish I
hadn⬠"!t had to⬠¦â¬ "! He closed his eyes. ⬠ÜI wish it hadn⬠"!t been like that.⬠"! A jolting thought struck him. ⬠ÜSo where is your⬠ your child?â¬
"!
His child.
⬠ÜThere isn⬠"!t one,⬠"! she said baldly, dashing sudden tears away with the back of her hand. ⬠ÜI only managed to keep him inside a couple
of months and⬠¦something went wrong, I guess. I lost him.⬠"!
His guts clenched as though held in a vice. He imagined her rounded and vulnerable, and a groan escaped him as the implications of what she
must have gone through lacerated his guilty conscience.
He had to ask, though he hardly dared for fear of what her answer might be. ⬠ÜSweetheart, did you⬠ did your father know you were pregnant
that day you came to see me?⬠"!
She shook her head and he could feel that measure of relief, at least. At least the captain hadn⬠"!t begged him to cut his daughter loose
knowing she was with child.
With a womanly dignity that impressed him, he saw her make a visible effort to control her emotions.
She said in a low voice, ⬠ÜI was in Brisbane when it happened. When I⬠ when I lost the baby. That was why I chose Brisbane, so I could put [ Pobierz caÅ‚ość w formacie PDF ]